Tag Archives: faith

Life’s About Change

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Have you ever heard that Patty Loveless song, How Can I Help You to Say Goodbye? {Warning–it’s a total tear-jerker.}

I caught it on the radio the other day after a long, long time and it just brought me to a complete stop in my tracks.

“Momma whispered softly, time will your pain. Life’s about change and nothing ever stays the same…”

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I tend to fight change.

Well, that’s a mild way of putting it…tend to…seems to imply that occasionally I embraced change. That I don’t always fight it, hate it, deplore it. Just more often that not.  Tend to.

Since losing my parents brought the world as I know it to a screeching halt, flipped it on its axis, and spun it in an opposite rotation–I hate change. I fear change. Changing equals losing to me.

But that’s just not biblical.

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And “the Word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12) 

The Bible is full of change. Full. From Victors to Captives. From Winners to Losers to Winners. From Plenty to Poverty. From War to Peace to War. From Shepherd to King. From Heaven to Stable. From Earth to Death to Life Everlasting. Jesus changed the sick to the healthy, the dead to the living–sin washed away to holiness.

Not just change–transformation.

Dead in sin, alive in Christ.

For someone who cries every time her kids go up a shoe size, this is a lot to take in.

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Thankfully the Lord is patient with me! He also knows me better than anyone ever has–except maybe my Momma. Ok, probably even better than that.

And He knows what I need to hear, to see, to ponder, to unlock me from that static fear and move forward, spiritually.

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The Ladybug came home from school the other day and while we were filling chicken feeders was telling me that they had “the worse bible lesson ever, today.”

Oh really?

She said “Yeah, it was the worst–I was getting red.” (That’s her expression for when she feels her face getting red and she’s trying not to cry.)

So tell me about it.

It was about what happens to people who aren’t saved when they die. About people going to hell. And about how we’re supposed to help people so that doesn’t happen to them by telling them about Jesus. And then she “got red” again and said how she hasn’t told anyone about Jesus because everyone she knows is already saved and she has got to get out in the world and be God’s little missionary.

From the mouth of babes…God is telling me to move!

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I’m not going to pretend that this little talk has turned my days around. There’s a huge difference between understanding a problem and executing a solution–and this year has really dragged me around pretty good.

A new school routine; a job change with a new office and co-workers and responsibilities; new family activities and obligations like soccer and tutoring and orthodontics; losing our beloved horse; the health challenges of older family members; losing my aunt…just so much grief to bear, even outside of the daily challenges of life!

And yet, every day, the sun goes down and comes back up in the morning. The grass dies in the winter and comes back in the spring. And the children keep growing up–whether I’m right there in the mix or curled up in a ball hiding under the covers.

And God said move!

I told the Ladybug that we do need to do more to reach out to a lost world–but I also told her that she needs to speak about Jesus to everyone. You never know when even a brother or sister in Christ needs a little encouragement too!

Do you need encouragement today? Here’s some…straight from the Lord to you (and me)…“Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” (Joshua 1:9)

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Lessons on the Farm

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Boy I’m ready for Spring–how ’bout you?!

The end of winter always seems to be the longest, hardest part of the year for me. So many challenges packed into the last few months of cold weather! We’ve got lambs and chicks and maybe even calves (oh my!) which is so fun. But then we’ve got twice a day feeding, and hay bales to move, and frozen water buckets, and everyone being sick, sick, sick and part of me just can’t get over losing my dog a couple years ago. (And this year Penny really reminds me of her more and more.)

The emotional ups and downs are so exhausting.

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Then I read a Facebook post from a loved one who’s struggling with their grief. And I tried to think of what I could possibly say that would be any help, any comfort, and I realized that if my words and thoughts don’t comfort myself then why should I expect them to comfort anyone else?

So I wrote nothing.

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But as I’ve gone through the last few days, nursing our little ones and doing chores and trying to do some work from home without feeling like I’m splitting myself in half and failing anyway…the turmoil slipped away and peace seeped in.

As the lambs frisked and bounced and tumbled and chased…and we talked about how we sell lambs every fall and have new lambs every spring…my heart felt renewed.

“Behold, the Lord God will come with strong hand, and his arm shall rule for him: behold, his reward is with him, and his work before him. He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.” (Isaiah 40:10-11)

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As we watched fuzzy, scrubby chicks flit and flutter and fluster around in their freshly-bedded brooder house…and we talked about how everyone looks different on the outside but looks have nothing to do with value…my heart felt comforted.

“But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

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As the water buckets filled with fresh, clean, cold water “magically” spouting out of our hoses…and we talked about the steady cycle of rain–infiltration–evaporation meeting our needs…my heart felt peaceful.

 “When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?” (Psalms 8:3-4)

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As we watched the sunset and the sunrise…and the sunset and the sunrise…and the sunset and the sunrise…my heart felt quiet joy.

“It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. (Lamentations 3:22-24)

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Sometimes there are not words.

Sometimes there is only life.

And living here as taught me that sometimes that is enough.

“Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;  To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.” (Psalms 30:11-12)

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Mud on the Tires

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Sometimes life around here gets a little mucky.

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Sometime we get stuck in the mud and need someone to pull us out.

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The World likes to tell us that this is unusual. That it’s the sign of a problem. That life should be easier and tough times mean we’re doing something wrong. That we shouldn’t need to ask for help.

But that’s not really true.

It really just means that it’s been raining.

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And if there’s one thing that life on the farm teaches you, it’s that the rain always stops.

Eventually.

Feel like your household’s been a little stuck lately? You just need to find a friend with 4-wheel drive! Run through a couple of these Heart-Checks for Busy Moms to help pin-point your puddles and get some help to plow on through.

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10 Ways to Break Out of the Grief Cycle

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I shared yesterday about a recent family grief and how hard it can be to set the pain aside and go back to your daily life. In the words of an old Reba McIntyre song, “But oh, that sun is blinding me as it wakes me from the dark, I guess the world didn’t stop for my broken heart.”

And truth be known, I guess I’ve grown enough the last couple years to find that soothing.

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There’s comfort in knowing that God rules and that every human tragedy along the way doesn’t derail His plan. It took me a while to see it, but there’s peace in knowing that the sun will come up tomorrow. I’ve gone from channeling Scarlett O’Hara in the beginning with “I won’t think about that today.” to Scarlett at the end with “Tomorrow is another day.”

It didn’t happen overnight, but there it is.

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Are you feeling sad? A little grieving and growing pains? Bittersweet? Here’s a few little ideas for soothing a troubled or sad spirit…

  • Quiet. Sometimes we just need a few moments alone to curl up on the couch with some coffee and say, “I’m sad” or “I’m tired” or “I’m troubled” and sit quietly, breath deeply, and just be still for a while.
  • Tears. Sometimes you just need to let them out! Sometimes you just have to force yourself to stop and face the pain and allow yourself to be sad before you can move on. I often do this when certain songs come on the radio that make me tear up. I just turn it up and go ahead and let it move my heart. When it’s over, I usually feel a bit better. I’d much rather cry for a few minutes every once in a while, then hold it in for months and finally break down screaming and sobbing until my eyes swell shut. (Ask me how I know…)
  • Music. Speaking of which, monitor what you’re hearing if you’ve been down and out. A sad song here or there is one thing, but good music is a good pick-me-up. I especially love old hymns for this–you just can’t sing verse 5 of Amazing Grace without feeling your heart lift heaven-ward.
  • Watch. Just sit and watch the world. Watch the kids play. Watch the flowers grow. Watch the lambs frisk around…feel free to come by and borrow our porch if you need to! Sometimes we just need to sit and soak in the fact that we are not alone in the world and the world did not end and God’s hand still moves over and all around us.
  • Walk. I think any kind of exercise is good. When you feel like you just can’t take it, take a walk! Sometimes just the act of bursting out of the house feels like such a release when negative emotions are welling up. Walk until you feel calmer, more in control–even if you’re just taking laps up and down your driveway because the baby is sleeping inside.

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  • Read. Scripture, no doubt. But I also recommend missionary stories or pioneer stories. No matter how bad my day seems, at least I don’t have to use an outhouse in the middle of the night in January in North Dakota. A little perspective is always good. History is full of sacrifices for the greater good and perseverance against the odds.
  • Talk. Call a friend–and talk about them! A lot of times I call my sister because I’m feeling down, and just chatting about our kiddos and our dinner plans and our neighbors helps me break out of the sad mood. If you want to talk about your bad day, that’s fine too, but sometimes reaching out is better than looking inside to break the cycle of sadness that can creep up. Besides, she always makes me laugh.
  • Write. I’ve gotten back into journaling with my smashbook, and I write here of course. I think writing is a good outlet. Write a prayer list. Write a thanksgiving list. But again, you can also use writing to reach out, break out…write a letter to a friend (letters are a dying art!), send card to a missionary or church member, write to a soldier.
  • Look. I love looking at pictures. Even when it feels bittersweet, it feels more sweet than bitter. You rarely take pictures of bad times, so nearly every picture will have a good memory attached to it for you to think about. This is one of my favorite 10 minute activities. I just open up iPhoto on our computer and start scrolling through. No matter what pictures they are, they usually make me appreciate my life all over again.

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And lastly…

  • Get Help. Seriously. If you can’t find any little ways to brighten your day…if a friend or loved one expresses concern over your behavior…if you just can’t shake the gloom…go talk to someone. There are tons of options, directions, and simply different personalities out there to offer you some help for your situation.

Believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve been in those days where it takes everything you have just to get out of bed. Where you see everything in gray, there’s no color to the world. Where you’re walking numb, and can’t remember anything from one day to the next–and simply don’t care.

And I’ve been in that place where you go through your day as if everything is fine. Where you put on your makeup, and never cry, and go about your routine, and move on with your life, and even smile and laugh–while inside you’re just screaming, endlessly. There’s a balance between the pain that comes from simply living a frail, finite, human life…and the smothering darkness that can creep in and overwhelm you.

The Lord wants us to live a joyful, victorious life. He wants us to “count it all joy” when we face trials–and He makes no bones about the fact that we will face trials.

Need some help counting your blessings today? Feel like finding anything positive is searching for a needle in a haystack? Email me–I’m a bit allergic to hay, but I’ll wear a long-sleeved shirt and we’ll hunt together!

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Grieving and Garden Fences

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We’ve been out-of-town for several days, up north for funeral services for a shocking and unexpected death in the family. We got back late this past weekend and my heart is just so tired and hurting.

I know what it’s like to get that call in the middle of a perfectly normal night.

I know what it’s like to rush to the hospital and there’s simply nothing you can do.

I know what it’s like to be surrounded by people trying to help until you feel like you’ll suffocate and then the terror of facing the idea of being alone again.

And I know that it’s a long, hard road. I haven’t reached the end yet, and their walk is just beginning.

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When we came home, we spent most of Sunday outside, catching up and checking up on farm work and starting our new garden fence. The crew worked hard, put in a good day, hauling dead-fall out of the woods and starting the first side.

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And it reminded me yet again of the isolation grief can bring. Everyone moves on to the next thing, the next job, the next day, and you’re stuck on that day, that event, that pain.

And maybe they remember on birthdays, or anniversaries, or at special events when it suddenly stands out that someone is missing. But it’s so hard for someone to understand that…empty place in your every day life.

Every. Single. Day.

Especially when it hurts so much you can’t bring yourself to say the words. You don’t want to make it real again by saying it out loud. You don’t know how to say how much it hurts. There aren’t words for the way it crashes into you and leaves you drowning, or the way it freezes your heart until you forget how to breath and don’t know how to move to break free.

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I think everyone has that kind of grief, eventually. That every. single. day. pain. But no one has yours. They have their own and you are alone in yours.

And you look around at the world and want to scream What is wrong with you?! Why don’t you care?! How can you move on when I can barely breathe it hurts so much?!

But you don’t say anything because you know they would look at you and say, What is wrong with you?! It’s been 4 years…6 years…10,000 years…Why can’t you move on?!

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Do you feel that way sometimes? Do you feel that way today?

I wish I had words of wisdom for you, words of comfort. I wish I could come along you and share your journey–I can’t. That’s the only wisdom I’ve gleaned from grieving. No one can crawl inside you and share your pain, and it’s unfair to expect them too. It only leads to more grief. More pain.

ONLY THE LORD CAN.

He created you. He knows everything about you inside and out. Nothing about you, your life, your thoughts, or your feelings is hidden from Him. He knows, and you don’t have to explain it, or understand it, or say it out loud if you don’t want to. He understands if you want to scream it, or cry, or pound your fist on the steering wheel or pull over and throw rocks at the trees on the side of the road.

He knows it and He shares it.

He understands every. single. moment.

He’s the only one can truly can.

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Do you doubt it?

Listen to the Word of the Lord, through David…“My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me. And I said, O that I had wings like a dove, for then would I fly away, and be at rest. Lo, then would I wander far off, and remain in the wilderness. Selah. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest.” (Psalms 55:4-8)

“I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long…I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart…My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me. My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off…” (Psalms 38:6-11)

HE KNOWS.

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He knows everything you feel, everything you think, everything you need.

For me reading scripture, and especially the Psalms, brings much more than comfort. They bring balance. They bring sanity. They bring recognition, acknowledgement, and truth. They bring enough strength to simply keep breathing until I can gain control again.

And then…only then…I also find peace.

“…for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of they wings will I made my refuge, until these calamities be overpast.” (Psalms 57:1)

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” (Isaiah 41:10)

“He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.” (Isaiah 40:11)

“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

Do you have a prayer request?

Let’s lay all our cares upon Him and travel this road together today.

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