Boy, the preacher pricked my heart last night at prayer meeting.

“Blessed be God, even the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. For as the sufferings of Christ abounds in us, so our consolation also aboundeth in Christ.” (2Corinthians 1:3-5)

Oh my.

He started to break it down for us and the truth (one which I’ve sort of been tiptoeing around for a while now) came rushing in.

I have had tribulations.

And I have been comforted by the Father of mercies.

Which means I should be out there comforting “them which are in any trouble.”

Hmmm…

Today would have been my mom’s 53 birthday.

And part of me is suffering.

Oh, how she would have loved to see these smiling faces! (L to R: Cowboy, Ladybug, Speedracer, 2011)

And part of me is comforted.

Part of me is healing.

Part of me is smiling.

Oh, how she would have laughed at the fiasco of trying to get a good picture of them!

But very little of me has reached out to comfort others.

Sure, I’ve had my moments. I’ve sent cards. I’ve chatting with folks. I’ve shared here and there on this blog.

But I have not sat down and held someone’s hand with quiet tears and listen to their fears of never being the same again…never being healed…never coming out of that dark, dark place.

You know those Google photo editing commercials?

I have not come along side someone as they waded through their depression, their struggling marriage, their angry or apathetic motherhood…

I have cried out my own pain, but have I listened to the cries of other motherless daughters? Motherless mothers? Some, perhaps. But not like I should.

"To the cloud!"

Not with the compassion and mercy that the “the Father of all mercies and the God of all comfort” has shown to me.

Not with the overflowing abundance of grace that He has showered on me.

Not with my whole heart.

Ok, I give up. Let the cricket-hunting commence.

I know there is more for me to give. More work that I am called to do. More love that I am called to give.

More reason for these trials, these tribulations, this sifting and refining that He has put me through.

“Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth through it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ…” (1Peter 1:6-7)

I have been afraid.

Afraid of my own weak, trembling strength.

Afraid of being dragged back to that dark place.

Afraid of being rejected the way my barren heart rejected comfort from so many early on.

Today I am thankful for truth. Today I am thankful for the Word and those who speak it. Today I am thankful for courage.

“For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2Timothy 1:7)

Today I am thankful for new mercies every morning, for prayers that are heard, and for the power to simply love more.