Finding Christmas

How was your holiday this year?

Ours was beautiful.

And it surprised me. 

Let’s face it, Christmas isn’t always easy for a lot of folks. The first few years after losing my parents, our children were very young and I was desperately sad and our holidays sort of coasted along…our kiddos enjoyed themselves but I never really did. And when it was over, I never really felt like we’d had a “real” Christmas. I never found the joy and excitement that we always had “going home” for Christmas in years past. A few years ago, the fog started to lift and I found myself finally wanting to have a “real” Christmas–and I ran smack into another brick wall.

I didn’t really know how!

The accident kinda happened at a crucial stage in our young family life and we hadn’t really made any kind of transition from “going home” for the holidays to creating our own holiday. We just had Christmases with the family, and then–BAM–Christmas at our house (at least in part because I preferred not to have to see or talk to anyone if I could help it). And I held my breath, and tried to smile and do all the things I thought I was supposed to do, and hoped the day would pass quickly.

Then I decided I wanted to have a “real” Christmas and spent the last couple years trying to come up with my version of a Martha Steward holiday–and feeling like I was failing miserably. And feeling sad and depressed when it was over. Poor Mr. Fix-It survived with his head down and the occasional firm reminder that we have a family to think about now–and they are happy! Bless him.

People always ask “what are your Christmas traditions?” And for years now I’ve felt like I don’t have an answer. We had traditions, but now we don’t. Our holidays are a disaster. Our crew doesn’t know what a “real” Christmas is!

But this year was different.

This year I think I finally found Christmas again.

And this year I finally realized that, in our household, I was the only one missing it.

It was all right there in front of me the last few years.

This year I shopped excited. Sad, but excited.

Gifting is my love language, as it was for my Momma. And it was bittersweet to be excited to hunt and shop for great gifts for the kiddos while wishing desperately that I could share my finds with my parents.  They would have been so excited to see the True Heroes missile launcher and warrior ship we got the boys. My Dad would have loved it!   {Side note savvy mommas: We got these for $25/each at Toys R Us before Christmas and I think they are great and the boys love them–but I would not have been willing to pay that full listed price for them. They are awesome toys, but not worth that much! I just included the Amazon link so you could see them.}

This year we decorated early. Mr. Fix-It helped (another first!) and the kiddos were pushing, but I wasn’t resisting.

This year I made Chex Mix. And homemade cookies. And Christmas Eve jammies. I was sad, but I did it.

This year we went to Christmas Eve church service. I hadn’t been since going to Christmas Eve mass with my Momma over 7 years ago.

This year I saw–truly saw!–that our kiddos were happy with our Christmas just the way it was.

So go ahead and ask me…What are our Christmas Traditions?

We decorate our porch with lights, and our doors and windows with wreaths, and our windows with candles.

We hunt for a Christmas tree together. And then we decorate it together.

We make Chex Mix, and chocolate chip cookies, and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies…and we don’t feel bad about not making cutout cookies because this Momma is only so brave!

We go to Christmas Eve church service together.

We come home and open one gift on Christmas Eve (which may or may not always be a new set of pjs!) and watch one or two old-time Christmas shows, like Frosty or Rudolph, or Santa Claus is Coming to Town, before bed.

Then Mr. Fix-It and I sit together and wrap gifts and put them under the tree.

And in the morning the kiddos can’t come downstairs until Mr. Fix-It and I are up and we have to get a picture of them all together by the tree before anyone gets to open anything.

And then the rest of our day is just a beautiful mess.

How was your holiday? 

I had a birthday over the weekend too–maybe my new insights are from being a year older and a wiser. {smile}

Wishing you and yours a bright and rich New Year!