5 Reasons Why We Set High Standards
I’ve probably mentioned before that the boys are doing church league flag football this spring instead of soccer. If I didn’t, well, they are! {smile} Since it’s church league, they also have to memorize bible verses, pray before and after practices and games, get recognized for sportsmanship and Christ-like behavior, and have brief discussions with their coaches about things like behavior and character at home.
The other night they were discussing “how have you helped out at home this week?” A few of the boys (from K5 to 2nd grade) had to be prompted, but in general the answers ranged from “picked up my dirty laundry” to “helped my little brother pick up his toys” to “cleared my place after dinner.”
Then they got to our boys.
The Cowboy said, “I cleaned my room. I cleaned the playroom. I cleaned the mudroom bathroom. I feed and water the chickens. I got the eggs. I washed the eggs. I watered the cows for {the Ladybug}. I put clothes in my days. I cleaned the toys on the porch. I–“
OK! They stopped him there.
Then it was Speedracer’s turn. He said “I unloaded this dishwasher and did the laundry and feed and watered the dog and did the shoe basket and–“
One coach said, “So you put your laundry away–”
“No, I did the laundry. I put the clothes in the black one {our washer} and I poured the soap in and pushed the button, and then I switched loads and started the dryer and then I switched loads and put the clothes on the couch.”
There was quiet for a moment.
We often get lectured that we’re “too hard” on them and we “expect too much.”
We expect them to work, diligently, when asked. We expect them to obey. We expect them to use self-control and have emotional maturity. We expect them to think, to read, to listen, and to learn. We expect them to speak respectfully, treat our home respectfully, and be good stewards of all the resources around them. We expect them to be compassionate and considerate to other people. To be helpful and cheerful and have a good attitude about all of the above expectations.
We expect a lot from them–their behavior, their actions, and their responsibilities.
Here are some thoughts on why–and why we’re not lowering our expectations any time soon!
1. It’s not our standard, it’s the Lord’s
As a Christian family, striving to live a Biblical life, we believe that God sets the standard and we simply set boundaries to guide our children toward His standard–it’s not ours to constantly adjust based on current circumstances. One day they’ll be independent of us and they need to learn to base their behavior on the Lord’s expectations, not Momma and Daddy’s. And God is certainly holding a firm line. The Bible clearly says, “Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure and whether it be right.” (KJV, Proverbs 20:11)
2. It prepares them for REAL LIFE
Our kiddos are preparing for real life by living it, each and every day, alongside Mr. Fix-It and I. In real life you have to live within a budget, you have to cook and clean (and you don’t get paid for it!) and put stuff away. When you break something you have to fix it. When you’re told to do something, you have to do it. When someone is sick, everyone else picks up the slack. When an emergency comes up, sometimes you have to skip a birthday party or football practice or family movie night. In real life you play after the work is done–not before, and certainly not in lieu of!
3. It teaches perseverance and commitment
Physical work is hard! Emotional control is hard! Being respectful even when you don’t want to or when someone wasn’t nice to you is hard! Putting God first is hard! And it doesn’t get easier as you get older! If anything the choices and conflicts get infinitely more difficult.
By sticking to our guns as parents–holding the line on what we believe is appropriate and what is not, what we’ll compromise on and what we will not compromise on, what is acceptable and what is not–we lead by example. We show them that we are committed to God’s standard–and to the family. And to them. Our perseverance illustrates the value of the truth we are trying to teach.
Believe me, there have been many a tantrum I have spent sitting outside the bedroom door praying for the perseverance to see a consequence through. Parenting is not for the faint-hearted.
4. It gives them purpose and confidence
Our standard is God’s standard, so we don’t have a problem explaining (or defending) it. Our kiddos know we are training them up for a purpose–we are raising them to be ready for their own life and their own family one day. We are training them to be ready for God’s calling in the future. They also know that they are contributing in a meaningful way to the family’s well-being. They are helping produce food for our table, and other tables. They are taking care of God’s creation. They are honoring the blessings we’ve been given with good stewardship.
And just because our standard is X doesn’t mean we can’t praise them for reaching point A and point B and point C along the way. Each small step builds their confidence for the next level–conquering each “I can’t” with “I did.”
5. It inspires them–and everyone else!
They get to experience the joy of a job well done regularly. No need for empty praise here! No building them up with fluff–when they are striving toward BIG goals like maturity, self-discipline, unprompted compassion, and diligent effort then even small victories are worthy of BIG praise!
There is no greater personal joy than having a little one come in and wrap their arms around you and look up and say, “I love doing my chores and being out in God’s creation every morning!”
BTW–our boys are the two in blue on the right. That little guy on the left…LOL!
Well, I’ll be the first to admit that we set the bar high. {smile} We hold our crew the same standard we try to reach for, and they don’t always reach it. Neither do we, as adults and parents! We’re teaching them that we confess our mistakes, we apologize and ask forgiveness, and we start over. Tomorrow is a new day. What we don’t do is quit, or immediately lower our expectations to make it easier.
Do you have high expectations for your kiddos? Do you find that your standards for behavior and responsibility are significantly different from how you grew up?
Well, it does my heart good to read this! Thank you for having such high standards, as your children will grow up so much better for it! I love that prayer, and God, and responsibility, are all a big part of their upbringing. I worked in a school system in the Midwest with 8 to 10 year olds, and had parents ask me why I was so hard on their kids because I expected them to clear the table after projects and mop up their own spills! That it “took time away” from the schoolwork!
You are doing a wonderful job, raising future adults that will be able to handle anything life throws at them, and I commend you for taking parenting seriously!
As my husband and I discussed the other day, People are more important that Worksheets! We are trying to raise good PEOPLE–not good students, and not good KIDS. (Although I think a good person will do their very best at school too!) Being a child is just a very brief phase of their life and the point is to prepare them for the rest of their life–not for them to get so comfortable as children that then never grow up!
Yay Momma! We have high standards for the girls as well, although we have had a little too much whining over clean up time lately. I think it’s so important for kids to understand that money doesn’t grow on trees, that we work hard, and that we make sure to thank God for the amazing blessings He gives us.
Yeah, we get push back at times too. I just remind myself these are training years and stick with it! 🙂
What a really good post! Thank you for the encouragement to expect the best from our kids!
I am glad to see this also……..I have wondered how anyone can accept the reasoning prevalent in our world today of…..let the kids “be kids”(irresponsible) and don’t expect them to work while they are kids…just play and have fun…………but somehow, magically, I guess, they are supposed to be ADULTS…and responsible at 18 and be hard workers. No wonder we have a generation of young people who are in trouble financially, can’t hold jobs, expect someone else to “pay”, and more. It is good for our children to work….at their level…..and reap the benefits of being productive – especially while we are there to encourage and train them….and teach them the rewards of faithfulness. Thank you for posting this.
That’s an important point to–working AT THEIR LEVEL and with us. This is not about just forcing them to skip childhood all together. It’s about having a meaningful childhood and launching them into a meaningful adulthood when it’s over.
That’s awesome. 🙂 I would have loved to see the other parents’ faces. We require our kids to do chores, too.
I’m not sure we saw where this was going 8 years ago when we first had our 18 month old helping to load the washer, but now I look at other parents who are amazed and think–“why DON’T your kiddos do this?” 🙂
Can I just say THANK YOU for training your children in such a good work ethic – to cheerfully EXPECT to work hard and delight in what their work accomplishes. This is so lacking in our day and age! I work with a lot of children and young people, and I see a HUGE difference in the ones whose parents, like you, have trained them to work hard, to serve others, and to not be focused on themselves all the time.
May the Lord bless you and give you creativity, wisdom, and strength as you continue to train your children for His glory!
Thank you for the encouragement! It’s not the easy road, that’s for sure! I read a great post the other day that said, basically, sometimes the reward for finishing a job is simply that it’s done. We’re always looking for “fulfillment” and sometimes we forget that a job well done IS fulfilling.
holy cow, thank you so much for this post. i love that you refer to the fact that it is the Lord’s standard, not your standard that you are aiming for — your children are very blessed.