Surviving the Strong-Willed Child…ren
You know how some kids are strong-willed? How they are head-strong, independent, get angry or offended when they feel out of control, and can take charge of themselves just find, thank you?
I have one of those.
Two actually.
Ok, ok, let’s just be honest and get down to the hard-core truth…
I have 3 of them.
It's a bad idea to distract him. The ants love me for it, though.
I didn’t think that at first. My kids were really good babies. Good toddlers, too. The terrible twos? We didn’t have them. I thought that strong-willed meant constant temper-tantrums and throwing things and grocery-store blow ups. We didn’t have that.
Oops!
But around the age of 3 for each of them, we started seeing…something.
We called it stubbornness. I wasn’t as familiar with “strong-willed child” terminology then. And we’re well acquainted with the concept of stubbornness around here. (Aren’t we Mr. Fix-It?) Then our daycare provider commented to me one day that she didn’t know what I was going to do having three strong-willed children. Three.
Speedracer still finds managing multiple tasks like Penny and chicken food a little more challenging than the other two do.
That gave me some food for thought. Our kids all act out their personalities differently, which is probably why it took me so long to see it. But they all are very, very stubborn when they feel they’re right or they’re being “bullied. ”
The Ladybug tends to just ignore you like she didn’t hear you. The Cowboy, on the other {exhausting} hand, tends to explode into a complete melt down if he feels his rights are being trampled on.
This is his first time doing chores all. by. himself!
And Speedracer? My baby? My easy-going, wide-eyed, chubby-cheeked, last one? When he gets angry he completely withdraws from you, sucking his fingers and refusing to communicate with you except to say “You a bad boy, Mommy! You a bad boy!” and the ever heart-rending “You hurt my feelin’s! You bein’ mean to me, Mommy!”
All kid do this, right?
Here’s the strong-willed part–my kids don’t give in.
They don’t give up.
They don’t get coaxed out of it, or sweet talked. They can’t be bribed.
Speedracer will ask to go to bed before he’ll take a bite of green beans. He’ll sit at the table and suck his fingers and glare at me while everyone else eats ice cream in front of him rather than “cave in” and eat a bite of green beans. Not even one bite.
Today he told me to stop taking pictures of his face. I did, but I was surprised.
As a parent, you have to pick your battles, yes. And sometimes unfortunately the hill you have to die on seems rather lame.
But we’re not training them up to obey God when they think He’s right, we’re training them up to obey God, period. To obey God even when they don’t think He’s right. When they don’t agree with what He says. Even when they don’t like it.
And sometimes that can be an exhausting, uphill battle.
Size 12 muck boots...Priceless.
Sometimes it can break a parent’s heart into a million pieces as she sits on the stairs outside the bedroom crying right along with the tantrum-thrower.
And then sometimes, when the battle is drawing to a close…the screams have turned to sniffs and sobs…and you’re finally buckling the car seats…and a tear-streaked little face looks at you and say he’s sorry.
And you’ll say, “Honey, do you think God wants us to act like that? Does He like it when we disrespect and disobey our parents like that?”
And he’ll say quietly, “Momma, can you help me pray? I need God to clean my heart. He can do that if you ask Him.”
And you’ll think “Lord, what great, mighty things you must have planned for this strong-hearted child!”
“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” (Galatians 6:9)
I laughed at the beginning of this post and teared up at the end. I have been blessed with 2 strong willed daughters and I can already see the challenges that lie ahead of us…..but I’m holding strong to the thought that if we can reach these stubborn hearts and help them hold strong to Jesus…..they will have STRONG faith.
That is what gets me through the melt downs and tears – and yes, I cry right along with my girls.
I tell you, some days I just don’t think I’m going to make it–then we have these…sent-straight-from-heaven moments and I remember that it’s going to be ok. Yes, it does comfort me to think of the amazing work they’ll be able to do if they set their stubborn little minds and hearts on following Jesus. If they submit to him (even if no one else!) they will accomplish great work in the Kingdom!
(Glad I’m not the only one that cries from utter frustration and heart-break while parenting!)
YES!!!! Both my boys are very strong willed. And so is momma. I struggle hourly to maintain my cool with my boys. I’m trying my best to use the Bible more with my parenting with them. HE is the only one that can use their strong personalities for good works and to show me how to help teach them to control and to nurture their hearts.
Ahh!! Like Annie I laughed in the beginning and then cried! It’s so adorable when you add in their quotes. How they talk to you is priceless.
There’s such plain truth to the words they use, I just can’t help sharing it their way!
Yes I have a strong willed boy. Somedays I am ragged by the end of the evening. Thank God for coffee and quiet time and He mercies being new EVERY morning…
Great Post!
It’s certainly shaping the person I’m becoming to be their momma! But the rewards for survival are sweet too! 🙂
That made me tear up! As a mama of 3 strong willed babies myself, I feel for you. Thank you for such a supportive and beautiful post.
Oh, you’re welcome! People don’t always see the challenges from the outside–or they see them and don’t understand them! So often, when people think of “life skills” they mean balancing your checkbook or how to change your oil. They don’t think about learning self-control, humility, or compromise.
I am so thankful to read this. My first child is very easy going. But the next two are very strong willed. I have always felt that I shouldn’t back down on the rules ( my husband agrees) But My family and his don’t they are always fighting against us. ( Even though I know they did the same with us. It is so nice to see someone else agrees with us.
It’s so tough! Do I want to “die on this hill” about whether or not my son wears cowboy boots with his shorts? Heck no! But what if the core lesson is that crying, arguing, or hitting the walls and kicking the dog don’t get you your way? Now we’re talking life lessons that no one should leave home without!
Books by Karol Ladd (Power of a Positive Mom) and Elizabeth George (A Mom After God’s Own Heart) have been a big help too because they’ve helped us define what the real point, or “heart issue” is when we’re dealing with broken rules. If the core problem is disobedience, disrespect, or dishonesty, we simply can’t budge.