Modesty is for Boys Too
I talked last week about the modesty guidelines we use with our Ladybug for dressing like a girl after God’s heart and it was our most popular post for the whole month. I know everyone loves to write about the heart issue when it comes to this topic and debate scripture, but if we step aside from that for a moment there’s a practical side too. When you want to do the right thing, what does that look like? I shared our daughter’s specific, concrete, take-this-list-shopping guidance to give you a jumping off point to evaluate what works for your family. Believe me, clear guidelines save a lot of arguments!
But let’s not forget our boys! We tend to talk about modesty in relation to girl’s clothing choices only. Modesty and boys is only about how boys view girls’ clothing. Well, let’s not forget that God clothed both Eve and Adam in the garden. Lust is a sin issue for women too. (Seriously, do a search for “cowboy” on Pinterest and you’ll see what I mean. Or maybe, don’t! Oh my poor, innocent, birthday-party-planning eyes!) 
The heart issue here is the same as for girls–we are not supposed to be dressing to call attention to our bodies. For boys (ours anyway) that means we’re not trying to show off our muscles. {smile} Our muscles are God’s gift of health, meant for us to do His good work, not meant to drive the ladies “wild.”
I took Senior pictures for some friends this year and I was ah-maz-ed at some of the poses and styles I found for boy pictures on Pinterest. (The girls too, but we’ve save that for another day!) So many of them had their shirts unbuttoned too far, their jeans too tight, and their muscles all flexed up…trying to show off their “charm.” We want to teach our boys’ to let their purpose and personality shine through, not their sex appeal. And they should not be leading young ladies astray any more than girls should be intentionally tempting them.
So do we have modesty “rules” with our sons too?
Yes. But thankfully the “guidelines” are more simple since it just hasn’t become common fashion for boys to run around with more skin than cloth showing.
And if you haven’t read my first modesty post, I would just like to reiterate that I’m not suggesting that the heart behind your choices is less important, or that following strict “rules” will raise up a modest heart. Not at all. I just think that we talk so much about heart issues and sometimes we need to just lay out the real-world application of all those issues a little more clearly.
Bottoms
- Knee Length or more. (Hasn’t been a problem so far.)
- No skinny jeans. (I don’t even understand having to say this, but if it’s not appropriate for the Ladybug, it’s not appropriate for them either. For the same reason. Why in the world any man would want to is beyond me…but I’m just a simple country girl.)
Tops
- Buttons are for buttoning. One or two top buttons open is fine–nothing more than showing the collar of a crew-cut under-tee.
- Unless you’re actually changing clothes, you should have a shirt on. (This includes swimming.)
Everything Else
- Underwear belong under your clothes, and shouldn’t be seen.
Pretty much everything else about their clothing is about teaching them how to choose appropriate to the situation, not modesty.
We haven’t really had any problem with the boys on this issue. We did go round and round briefly with the Ladybug about skinny jeans and shirts that were too short (she didn’t want to give up a few favorites when she out-grew them). But here’s something else I’ve noticed–if you explain that we have a purpose, and our clothes need to match that purpose, it becomes much clearer. For example, swim shirts also help with sunburn and sand rashes. The purpose for being there is to swim and play, not show off our skin.
When I see these high school girls with these mini skirts so tight and short they can’t bend over, I think, “Well, we know she’s not going to be doing anything today.” Because you simply can’t in those clothes. You can’t run, you can’t bend over, you can’t climb anything…and there’s no room in our life for that. We are called to work, to care, to give, to DO, to be busy in the Lord’s work.
This is one respect where our boys are just a lot easier than our Ladybug right now. I don’t know that it will always be that way, but as I mentioned with my last post–you have to start with the end in mind. You can’t wait until they have something to show off to start trying to keep them covered up! A bikini might be cute at 5. And innocent at 10. But you’re gonna regret that at 18. Same goes for letting your boys run around shirt-less. I used to be less sensitive about this, but now I see how high school and college boys strut around trying to show off and impress the girls (and how badly the girls behave in response!) and I feel strongly that we need to give our boys the same perspective we want our girls to have–that your body is for you and the Lord, not the world.
Do you address modesty with your boys?
See where I’m sharing this week…
I love this! We make our son (and Daddy) wear a shirt to go swimming. Also sort of off topic, but we sensor other things on clothes too. We get hand-me-downs and always weed out skull/cross bones, sarcastic quotes, and most character shirts. I think this is great! I also teach my son, when he forgets to close his door while changing (he’s 6), that his body is to only be seen by 1.) Someone helping him shower/bathe, 2.) Doctors sometimes, and 3.) His wife when he gets married.
You’re right, we review images and slogans too. We don’t do skull and crossbones or skeletons, we’re careful about pirate stuff, and we don’t do any TV shows/movies that we don’t let the watch in real life. We don’t do words that are rude, sassy, put down family or girls, or anything inappropriate. Same for our daughter.
But do you make your daughter wear a shirt while swimming? Why has it become more acceptable for girls to show more skin than for boys to do so these days, especially when girls are developing sexually earlier these days? If there has been a double standard, of late, it has been consistently against the boys, who are shamed if they wear a speedo, while bikinis become the norm.
A guy having is shirt off has never been seen as obscene for the simple reason that females and males are anatomically different. Should we now consider the depictions of Christ on the cross obscene? This is the logic of your own assumption that males now need to cover up, even though it is actually females who are being told to do so less and less now.
We do make our daughter wear a swim-shirt too, and we don’t allow bikinis. I talked about our specific expectations for our daughter in my previous post. I don’t really agree with the term “obscene” in this context. I think it’s too strongly negative. As I mentioned in my previous post, we believe that modesty is not about being ashamed of our bodies–our bodies are not “obscene.” It’s simply about not intentionally calling attention to our body and physical shape with our clothing choices. My personal experience is that while the anatomy may be different, very, very men take their shirts off in public if they are not trying to show off physically, outside of a swimsuit.
But I think it is important to note that taking Christ’s clothes away was part of his shaming on the cross. It was part of shaming all criminals that were crucified.
Wonderful!!! We have the same standards for our son (7), that we do for our daughters. It is all about respect. For themselves, towards God, and for others!
We really try and steer away from pictures/words on shirts. Most of them are rude or gross. But boys are SO much easier. Khaki pants and a polo shirt will never go out of style!!
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