He was born on my birthday in 2002…

We drove 2.5 hours one way to take a look at him when he was only 4 weeks old. They said they had planned the breeding for themselves and a few hunt club buddies. They hadn’t expected 15 puppies.  15 spotted puppies tumbled out of the whelping box; liver and white, black and white, lemon and white…one wrinkled-headed little guy with a giant brown spot that attacked Mr. Fix-It’s shoe with ferocious puppy growls…

We drove 2.5 hours back on Valentine’s weekend, 2003, to bring him home as a 7 week old puppy. He ran back and forth across our laps for about 20 minutes, then threw up on the floor and curled up in my lap for a nap. I spent the rest of the ride stroking his silky smooth, floppy ears…

And on Saturday, 8 years later to the day, I sat on a blanket on the floor of the vet’s office and stroked his silky, floppy ears as they gave him the bright pink injection and he closed his clouded eyes…

What we thought was a tick disease relapse, wasn’t. The lymphoma diagnosis wasn’t even confirmed for a week. Our “few weeks, maybe even a month or two” turned out to be mere days. And now we are a dog family without a dog.

There are so many platitudes to be shared in moments like this. How thankful I am that our vet didn’t bother. He just said, “I’m so sorry. He was such a good dog. It was too soon.”

Truly, I don’t know that all dogs go to heaven. I don’t remember reading that in the Bible. I don’t remember John the Baptist dunking chickens and donkeys out there in the river. I don’t remember any cat’s speaking in tongues at the Pentecost. I don’t know of anything that indicates that we’ll be sharing heaven with our dogs, cats, ferrets, or boa constrictors. (I mean, seriously, tarantulas? In heaven?)

One thing I do know–animals don’t sin. God didn’t give them free will to make their own mistakes or the Holy Spirit to help them. He gave them an instinctive nature, and He would never hold it against them that they followed it. Another thing I know–God is LOVE. Love beyond our human understanding. The love we feel for our pets is the dripping of an icicle compared to the rushing waterfall of love God has for all His creation. All His creatures. Heaven or not, whatever His plan for them is, I know it is good.

Something else I know?

Sometimes it just hurts.

Sometimes all the words, all the hugs, all the tears, all the Scripture verses and hymns and quotes from the saints…sometimes the hurt just hurts.

So World, please be gentle today. My heart is big and sore and dripping bitter, salty tears down my sleeve today.

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