I’ve always been a working momma.
And I’ve gone through stages of pure, spiritual exhaustion where I snatched every moment I could for myself, by myself, during the day. I’m not overly proud of this stage of parenting, but there it is. If I got off early, I would run to the store, run home for a nap, any number of things–none of which involved picking my kids up early too.
Then I was introduced to Elizabeth George‘s books and begin to realized what a serious heart-issue this was.
An afternoon to window shop, a cup of coffee, or a phone call to your sister is one thing–but our society today likes to wallow in this concept of “me-time.” We pretend you can’t live without it, that it’s somehow crucial to your well-being, that it makes you a better person. Well, prayer and bible time make me a better person–self-ingulgent personal time makes me crave more self-indulgent personal time (I know that for a fact!)
Now my heart is in the right place. More of my time is in the right place. And my kids are there too.
But this is a tricky thing. While I’m blessed to have a lot of flexibility in my job (believe me, I pay for it in other ways!), kids thrive on stability and routine. I went through a phase of rushing over to get them every time I could snatch a couple hours, or even one hour–And my excitement soon turned to dismay and misery because they didn’t want to leave and weren’t happy to see me.
Oh, this hurt. This hurt bad. It was like all those horrible comments about “other people raising your kids” were coming true. They loved the babysitter, the teacher, the daycare more then their own momma!
NONSENSE.
Did ya hear me?
NONSENSE.
Kids live in the moment and at those moments I was interrupting play-doh…snack time…friends…they would have been equally upset with me if we were at a playdate and it was time to go home.
So here’s a few things that helped…
1. Know their schedule. Know when nap time, snack time, movie time, story time, play time, whatever, is. Know when their care provider is planning something special. Know what their favorite part of the day is.
2. Give them a heads up. I like to be able to tell them that I’m picking them up early (but only if I’m sure!) so they anticipate it and are happy to see me and ready to go. That also give them a chance to let you know if they’re worried about missing something like a special birthday treat in after-school care.
3. Plan accordingly. I try to pick up after nap time before afternoon activities get started. If they’re going to miss a snack, I make sure to have one with me. If they’re having a party, I don’t pick them up early!
4. Don’t waste your time. After starting to use these guidelines, my early pickups went more smoothly, but that meant that I was back to having some time where I was off, but wasn’t getting my kids right away. I wanted them, but the timing was bad all around, and I felt that guilt creeping back that I was off without them. I started using “found” time to get chores and cleaning done so that I could use the time I did redeem with the family for something better.
And I pray regularly (daily, even hourly some days!) that God will open my eyes to each precious moment and purge my tendencies toward selfishness. I’ll have plenty of “me-time” when my kids are grown and gone and I’m wishing them back. My kids need my “me-time” more than I do right now.
That’s my working mom prayer.
