Whew, I’m kinda exhausted by the last few days of the week and the weekend. We’ve had a lot going on and some of it was good and some of it was bad and some of it I’m still sorting out. Sometimes I wish God would send me a few less mountains.
The Ladybug is doing much better. A couple of days on antibiotics and she’s just practically a new kid. She even when all day yesterday until almost bedtime without any pain medicine! I still can’t believe that a busted ear drum heals itself–how miraculous is this body of ours?!
The weather was really kinda yucky this weekend. But we did get out there early Saturday afternoon and get some farm chores done before it started raining. We’re getting all our barns scraped out and freshly bed for lambing season next month.
We use a deep bedding system. That means we spot clean messes and then keep layering bedding on top, deeper and deeper, through the season. It starts to compost from the bottom up which generates a little bit of heat and helps bake out some of the bad bacteria and incubate some of the good bacteria. Then once or twice a year (usually once, but it can depend on the weather) we scrape it all out with the tractor into our compost piles, let the sun and air sanitize it for a bit, and then start all over again.
Then on Sunday we had a young couple come by and look at Hannah. They decided that they would be interested in taking her home on a trial basis for a couple weeks and if it worked out keeping her. So we went through the hour long dance of getting her loaded in the trailer (I’ll be posting more about it later this week) and off they drove. I really expected to feel more relieved–I think this could be a great home for her. But I miss her. And I worry.
And it’s brought me face-to-face with some of the choices, the sacrifices, I’ve made for my family. Old dreams die hard. She would have been everything I ever wanted–if we didn’t have 3 children and I had the time to take lessons and train with her and ride regularly.
But I can give my best time and energy to my family, or I could give them less and give my energy to a horse. There are only 24 hours in a day. I can give myself horse-back riding lessons, or give my kids piano, soccer, and their horse. There are only so many dollars in our bank account.
These are choices we all make as parents. And in the end we all know that we chose parenting. We’re not stuck with parenting. We’re not forced into parenting. We choose it. We choose the minivan over the sportscar. We choose the playroom over the craft room. We choose the family trip to Disney over the romantic bed and breakfast in Charleston. And I don’t choose it grudgingly, or like a martyr. I choose it willingly.
With purpose and joy.
But once in a while, when you come face-to-face with it, with what might have been and what will never be, you have to take a deep breath or two…and let it go.“‘Cause sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing is just a grain of sand And what you’ve been out there searching for forever is in your hand And when you figure out love is all that matters after all it sure makes everything else Seem so small.” –“So Small” Carrie Underwood