We got a late night call from the sheep shearing about rescheduling our appointment due to rain on Sunday. You can’t shear wet sheep, so they had some cancellations from folks that couldn’t get their animals under cover. They knew we could, and asked if we wanted to bump our appointment up to first thing the next morning. It meant that Mr. Fix-It and I had to move the sheep from one side of the farm to the other and pen them in the tractor shed. In the dark. Without losing any of the foolish young lambs. I’ll save you the details and just say that it didn’t go as smoothly as our last move, but we got it done.
The next morning, the Cowboy found out it was Shearing Day and asked if he could stay home from school to help.
Your first thought is that he’s just trying to get out of school, right? Well, it’s a fair question to ask, but it wasn’t my first thought.
Over and over, since he could toddle around in his boots and diaper, our Cowboy has been all-in when it comes to helping with farm work around here. At 10 years old, he’s built himself a reputation for being helpful, dedicated, and dependable when it comes to daily work tasks. Mr. Fix-It and I discussed it and decided that we should honor his past record and give him the benefit of the doubt on his motivates.
He stayed.
And he worked. All. Day. Long. And he enjoyed himself and was proud of being a filthy, dirty mess when he was done. {smile}
He set everything up for the shearer (extension cords, lights, trash bags, wound spray, etc.). Then he assisted the shearer in the shed for almost 4 hours (skirting fleeces, bagging fleeces, managing tools, keeping count, etc.). And then he helped me trim hooves, check body condition, and worm the whole flock in the pouring rain for another 2 hours. We didn’t use the chute this time because it hadn’t been prepped yet (ie. the weeds are as tall as my head!) due to the short notice, so there was a lot of wrestling and tackling involved in the afternoon. And a lot of mud, once the rain started pouring down and running like a river through the shed.
So how does one raise kids that are willing to work? That are self-motivated to work? That maybe even that like to work?
Provide Work That Has Value
First, you have to give them work to do that has value and meaning. We often say that the kiddos do the same work we do, and we do the same work they do. There are no “kid jobs” and “adult jobs” around the house and farm. There are just jobs that you know how to do and jobs that you simply don’t know how to do (yet).
Provide the Training Needed to Do the Work
My favorite word to describe our kids is competent. They can do stuff. Real stuff. They know how to care for the animals’ basic needs (food, water, shelter); plant, weed, and harvest in the garden; use basic household tools (even power tools!) to fix things; wash dishes, laundry, and floors; and we’ve started basic cooking…and they’re only in elementary school!
[bctt tweet=”Competence builds confidence, and confidence fuels motivation! ” username=”va_grown”]
But they didn’t learn on their own. Mr. Fix-It and I had to bring them along and show them. We had to take the time to give directions over and over and over again. We have to supervise, direct, and correct when needed. It can slow things down and occasionally even mess things up. However; competence builds confidence, and confidence provides self-motivation!
Provide the Time for Work
This is an interesting point. It can mean providing positive opportunities–like letting the Cowboy stay home to work at the Shearing Day or letting the crew stay home for Lamb Harvest day. But it can also mean removing distractions and closing certain doors–like screen time or family vacations. It means illustrating the value of your daily work in the choices you make for the whole family’s time. Do you spend your weekends running everyone around to their own sleepovers, ball games, and shopping at the mall? Or do you spend your time working together, as a family, in community service or home management? You, as the adult, have to make the hard prioritization calls for the family and set the example of how important the family’s work is.
Provide Room for Independent Work
Whew–this one is tough for me! At some point (and it’s probably much earlier than you think!) you have to get out of their way and let them experience the freedom to test the waters of both their skills and the consequences of their actions. They have to have room to stretch their problem-solving skills and experience both success and failure on their own terms.
They also need to experience teamwork in a broader sense and learn to give and take directions on many levels. From family, but also from peers and strangers. On Monday, I basically put the Cowboy under the direction of the shearer and let him work and communicate about that work with a stranger (not a complete stranger!) while I popped in and out through the process. It was good as a learning experience, but he also got heaps of praise and positive reinforcement from someone other than me!
Provide Praise and Positive Reinforcement
In all this work, work, work, we should never forget that they are children. And they are human. And everyone likes a pat on the back for a job well done. We believe in using both natural consequences AND natural rewards around here–so be sure to dig deep and find a good, solid, compensation to offer for a job well done.
I also highly recommend studying The 5 Love Languages of Children and getting to know what reaches and motivates your individual child so you can speak in their individual love language. All three of our kiddos have different love languages, and we have seen direct results from knowing how to treat each of them according to their own personality.
One thing to mention–these points all make it really, really important that you monitor (dare I say control) who has access and influence over your children in these growing years. You want to bring people into their circle that will inspire, motivate, and praise them appropriately and reinforce your family values–not tear them down!
The Cowboy just glowed under the few quiet words of thanks and praise from the shearer while they worked together. That kind of positive feedback reinforces the value of what he was doing and the choice he made to stay home and work all day. As a parent, you have to make careful, discerning choices of when/who/what to expose your children to. Childhood is about preparing them for the “real” world, not just throwing them in and praying they can swim.
