Mother’s Day for the Motherless…Thankful on a Thursday
I struggle not to hate Mother’s Day.
I really do.
I struggle not to lash out at the people complaining about having to “come up with something” for their mother, or how hard their mom is to buy for, or how they forgot again and have to rush out fora last minute something (or anything)…I hate the socially constructed, consumer-driven Hallmark-y-ness of it all for people don’t care like they really should–from the heart rather than the wallet.
And yet, I struggle not to resent…no…yes, I’ll say it…sometimes even hate, people that get to take their mom to brunch or lunch or have a mother/daughter day to celebrate too. I hate getting stuck in conversations about all the thought they put into the perfect gift and how much they love and adore and worship their mother, and all the sappy Hallmark commercials about sweet phone calls over the miles too. People who genuinely love and adore and honor their mothers like I did–do–and get to show her…
I know, it’s terrible.
But sometimes so is the pain.
And that’s the truth.
This is certainly not where my 27 year-old-self expected to be at 32. You know, back on my very first real mother’s day in 2005. Back a lifetime ago. I am amazed too, by those who think that being a mother myself somehow magically trumps being a motherless daughter and I should enjoy it anyway, if I really love my kids. As if the two are connected at all.
Even though I’m a mother now, 3 times over, I am a daughter none the less.
None the less at all.
My mom is back, middle. My Nana is front middle. And those are my mom's sisters. A long time ago.
And I am thankful for every moment, every day, every year…yes, every Mother’s Day I had. There are those who’ve had so much less. I am thankful on my knees for every second that I had.
My mom and my sister, 1990. (I dug these pictures out with my remembrance scrapbooking.)
I am thankful for every word, every phone call, every card, and every email I ever received… I am thankful for a mother that immersed herself in every moment of my life. A mother that was never too busy to talk. Who was excited by my excitement. Who was protective of my hurts, and frustrated by my frustrations, and never bored by the minute details of my totally ordinary days.
My mom at a friend's wedding in 2001.
I am thankful for every hug, every praise, every encouragement, every prayer she made–to me and for me and even to others about me. What an amazing blessing to have her love reiterated by total strangers each time I was (and am!) introduced as her daughter. “We’ve heard so much about you! Your mom was so proud of you!”
My mom in 1990. (She wasn't a style icon either--must be where I get it from.)
And I am thankful for her legacy to us, her daughters and granddaughters. A legacy of strength. Of quiet steadiness. Of being content with little in life other than her home, her husband, and her family. Of a stubborn devotion to optimism and second chances for the rest of us. A legacy of unbroken love. Of kindness and smiles freely offered to everyone around her. I am thankful to be part of the history of such an honored and appreciated woman.
I am thankful to have such an unwavering example set before me, holding down the finish line, calling me ever forward, upward, onward in this journey of life and motherhood…
L to R, My sister, my mom and the Ladybug, and my Aunt Chrissy (mom's sister).
I take it all back–that first part.
I love Mother’s Day.
Because I love my mother and she deserves it.
And even more.
{{hugs}}
awesome post. thanks for sharing your heart.
I have the same struggles….the last 17 Mother’s Days have been bittersweet. I adore my son and am so blessed to have him and he makes my day special, but I feel a big sense of loss and unfairness because I don’t have my mom around anymore and I miss her so much! Love and hugs!!
I’m sorry for your pain and sadness – it is always harder to be the ones left behind. You obviously were blessed with a wonderful mother and because of her, your children are blessed with a wonderful mother too.
Thank you. One of the best ways I find to combat the sadness is to acknowledge it and then try to cultivate gratitude in place of it. I miss her because of all the love we shared–but we were so blessed to have that love. It hurts my heart to think of so many people with strained or no relationship in place of the beautiful relationship I had. It’s so much more of a blessing to have loved and lost, then never to have loved…
It is so important to hear your perspective. Thank you for sharing it. When we haven’t walked the road of pain that you have it is hard to realize the impact of Mother’s Day.
Your mother looks so happy in each picture. Her face is just beaming. She looks like a person who had a lot of love to give.
Thank you for stopping to read and for your kind comments. She loved us so much and would want us to be happy even without her.
Over the last couple years I’ve finally come to understand that it’s so important to recognize and purge the bitterness or sadness I feel before it spirals out of control. To acknowledge it, and then let. it. go. Sometimes that means over and over again, but I think that’s part of the healing process.
[…] Walkin' in High Cotton » Mother’s Day for the Motherless…Thankful on a Thursday » Walkin' in High Cotton […]