May can be a tough month for me. The farm is very busy, the kids are bursting with energy from the good weather and the end of the school year in sight, and I struggle not to be constantly reminded or linger on the loss of my parents. Mother’s Day is always a struggle for me–trying to focus on being a momma, and not the fact that I don’t have a momma. Trying to appreciate everyone else’s mother even though all I desperately want is my own momma.

And the longer I travel this road, the more people I know joining me on it. The motherless daughters…motherless mothers…the grieving and growing. Some days it’s a tough row to hoe. But I’ve learned some coping mechanisms. Sometimes they are more successful than others, but I have learned that being too sad, for too long, is a problem.

Depression is a real thing and not “just a mood.” If you feel like you’ve been too sad, for too long, and nothing will help, reach out a friend, your doctor, or a counseling connection like Talkspace. Or call the Hopeline Network at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) to talk to someone that can get you the help you need.

When I find myself moody, in a funk, or just not myself, here’s 10 simple ways I try to break a melancholy mood when it starts to get the best of me…

1. Quiet Time or Alone Time

Sometimes we just need a few moments alone to curl up on the couch with some coffee and say, “I’m sad” or “I’m tired” or “I’m troubled” and sit quietly, breath deeply, and just be still for a while. When your kiddos get to a certain age, it can be helpful to let them know–Momma needs some quiet time right now, ok? When they were littler, it helped me to let Mr. Fix-It know–I need some quiet time, ok, I’m just going to go lay down in the bedroom.

2. Crying Time

Sometimes you just need to let those tears out! Sometimes you have to force yourself to stop and face the pain and allow yourself to be sad before you can move on. I often do this when certain songs come on the radio that make me tear up. I just turn it up and go ahead and let it move my heart. When it’s over, I usually feel a bit better. I’d much rather cry for a few minutes every once in a while, then hold it in for months and finally break down screaming and sobbing until my eyes swell shut. (Ask me how I know…)

3. Listen to Music

Speaking of which, monitor what you’re hearing if you’ve been down and out. A sad song here or there is one thing, but music moves our soul. Good music can be an emotional pick-me-up, but too many sad songs can weigh you down even more! I especially love old hymns for this–you just can’t sing verse 5 of Amazing Grace without feeling your heart lift.

4. Observe and Reflect

Just sit and watch the world go by. Watch the kids play. Watch the flowers grow. Listen to the birds carrying on early in the morning or the rain falling. Watch the lambs frisk around…Feel free to come by and borrow our porch if you need to! Sometimes we just need to sit and soak in the fact that the world did not end and God’s hand still moves over and all around us and life will move on.

The idea of “moving on” can be painful when you think about it linearly. And certain types of sadness can leave us with lingering unaswered whys that are never, and likely will never, be answered satisfactorily. I find it soothing to focus on how life flows in dependable cycles. Lambs are born, grow, are harvested, are born the next year. Flowers grow, bloom, die back for winter, grow and bloom again. The sun goes down, stars come out, the sun comes back up. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I know that there is clearly a plan. I can observe the world around me and see it in action.

5. Walk, Run, Bike, MOVE

I think any kind of exercise is good. When you feel like you just can’t take it anymore, take a walk! Sometimes just the act of bursting out of the house feels like such a release when negative emotions are welling up. Like when you have no control over anything, you can get away and at least your in control of your own body! Walk until you feel calmer, more in control–even if you’re just taking laps up and down your driveway because the baby is sleeping inside.

Walking the dog is major therapy for me. He doesn’t chatter or pester or complain about where we go. He’s happy no matter how long, how far, or how often I feel like talking along the way. Some friends of mine swear by gym time on a bad day.

6. Read Encouraging and Inspiring Words

Yes, the Bible is a great source of encouragement and inspiration. But I also recommend missionary stories or pioneer stories. No matter how bad my day is, their experiences and challenges can put some starch back in my backbone. Whatever happen to me, at least I don’t have to use an outhouse in the middle of the night in January in North Dakota. A little perspective (and a little distraction!) never hurt anyone.

7. Chat with a Friend

Sometimes we need alone time and sometimes we need to realize that we’ve isolated ourselves for no good reason and pick up the phone! Call a friend–and talk about them! You don’t need to dwell on your issues, you need to break out of that emotional focus. Ask how they are. What have they been up to? Do they need help in the garden or can you pick up some coffee and come by for a visit? How are their kids, or projects, or parents? Sometimes reaching out breaks that cycle better than always looking in.

Also, maybe you have a friend that’s good at making you laugh? That’s usually why I call my sister. {grin}

8. Write, Draw, Journal, be Creative

I’ve gotten back into journaling with my smashbook, and I write here of course. I think writing is a good outlet.

Write a prayer list or do a Bible study. Write a graditutde list. Write a Christmas shopping list or a menu plan or a novel. Let words that you can’t speak find another outlet. Start scrapbooking or map out your family tree. Take up adult coloring! Use writing and crafting to reach out–write a letter to a friend, send cards to missionaries or church members, write to a soldier. Send a care package or make up some new lunchbox love notes for your kiddos. Use words to move your mood.

9. Take, Review, Edit, or Print Photos

I love looking at pictures. Even when it feels bittersweet, it feels more sweet than bitter. You rarely take pictures of bad times, so nearly every picture will have a good memory attached to it for you to think about. This is one of my favorite 10 minute activities. I just open up iPhoto on our computer and start scrolling through. No matter what pictures they are, they usually make me appreciate my life all over again.

When I realized how few pictures we had from my childhood (and my momma enjoyed amature photography!) taking our own family photos became very important to me. And I can look through my photo timelines and see huge gaps where I put the camera down because of my moods, not my subjects. Forcing myself to pick it up again forced me to focus outside of myself, concentrate on something other than my own emotions. And sometimes I even translated those moods into growing new photography skills.

And lastly…

10. Get Outside Help

Seriously.

If you can’t find any little ways to brighten your day…

If a friend or loved one expresses concern over your behavior…

If you just can’t shake the gloom…

Go talk to someone. Find a professional. Ask a friend to help you find someone if you don’t know where to start. There are tons of different plans and personalities out there to offer you some help for your situation.

Believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve been in those days where it takes everything you have just to get out of bed. Where you see everything in gray, like there’s no color to the world, to your view. Where you’re walking numb, and can’t remember anything from one day to the next–and simply don’t care. And I’ve been in that place where you go through your day as if everything is fine. Where you put on your makeup, and never cry, and go about your routine, and move on with your life, and even smile and laugh–while inside you’re just screaming. Endlessly.

There’s a balance between the pain that comes from simply living a frail, finite, human life…and the smothering darkness that can creep in and overwhelm you. The Lord wants us to live a joyful, victorious life. He wants us to “count it all joy” when we face trials–and He makes no bones about the fact that we will face trials. Sometimes we need some help with that.

Need some help counting your blessings today? Feel like finding anything positive is searching for a needle in a haystack? Email me–I’m a bit allergic to hay, but I’ll wear a long-sleeved shirt and we’ll hunt together!