Would you like to take a walk with me? I’ll tell you a story.
A story about a little boy who just turned 4 on Sunday. And the momma who’s still crying about it–on the inside.
He was a surprise for us.
So was his dark hair.
We were expecting those blue eyes though.
They’re sort of a family tradition.
We didn’t pick his name until just before he was born, in the labor and delivery room that morning. It surprised our Doctor when we said we hadn’t decided yet. Grayson or Waylon?
She had also delivered our other two, so she felt pretty confident in telling us her opinion on our short list. “Grayson? Where did that come from? You can’t have a Ruby and and a Wyatt and a Grayson.”
I think she was right. Too many baby name books. We decided to go with our gut.
I didn’t expect the spelling and pronunciation to be quite so challenging for so many people, though. Everyone loves to add a D. And an E. And apparently if that doesn’t work, you can always throw in another A or two.
And I laugh because folks always ask “like Waylon Jennings?”
“Yep, it’s spelled just like that”… [glance down at the paper] ...”and apparently you don’t know much about him either.” {grin}
I’ve been told that he has “the baby” syndrome. I don’t necessarily see that.
I have noticed that he doesn’t like to do chores.
And tends to pout his way into one of his siblings helping him with, well, everything.
And that he thinks he owns my lap and has no qualms about telling someone else to “Move, Wy-att!”
But I think it’s more about the dimples than his age.
He has his father’s dimples.
Mr. Fix-It’s simply immune to them because he’s spent so many years on the other side of them, and he just takes their powers for granted. Those who have dimples can’t appreciate what it does to those of us who don’t.
The baby years are special, but these pre-school years are amazing too.
This time of discovering who he is and what he likes.
Watching him pull back and think and decide if he’s going to be a leader or a follower with other kids…this one is really interesting around here since both if his siblings are born leaders. (The Ladybug is a group/social leader type, and the Cowboy is a trail-blazing, independent leader type.)
I read a lot about parenting these days. I want to do a good job. (And I can use all the help I can find!) But I’m so…flabbergasted by all the writing about how not to lose yourself in your role as mother. How to maintain your own identity while mothering. I really struggle to understand this perspective because balance is certainly critical and we are all multidimensional beings, but it seems that people tend to portray motherhood as a job.
Motherhood is not something I do.
From the very first time I felt that tiny little fluttering kick inside, Mother is something I became.
Is there more to me than just motherhood? Yes. But there’s no me outside of being a mother. From the moment the Ladybug was conceived, I become a mother who…cooks, a mother who works, a mother who crafts, a mother who farms…just as after my wedding I became a wife with every hobby and personality quirk and professional skill. There is no me separate from who I am as a wife–or as a mother.
Only by fully embracing motherhood as part of my personality, of my self, rather than as a temporary role I play, can I find both balance and fulfillment.
And I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to figure this out!
Happy Birthday, my Speedracer!
Look how much you’ve taught me in your 4 years!
